I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
