I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
