this beer tastes like vomit already
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
