it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
