my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
