I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Randomize
