I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
