i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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