before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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