i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
as a side note pls kill me
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