He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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