Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
