dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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