pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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