I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
