even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
