Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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