I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
