I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
