He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
