My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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