Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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