I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
