Tell her she can't have a vagina
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
