somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
