those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
