i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
