Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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