I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
