"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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