fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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