ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
