He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
