Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
