That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
