Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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