It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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