I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
