I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
