people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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