the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
