The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
