By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
