Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
