Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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