and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
