I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
