Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
