I seem to have left my pride at pride
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I will pee on everything he values.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
