So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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