We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
