they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
